Thursday, April 7, 2011

Maybe is a frightening word

In some ways, I may as well be Amandine.

Maybe we all have an Amandine, lurking within us,

and it's strictly up to you whether or not to let her out.

But it's a weighted choice.

Heavy in your hands

and extremely tempting.

There are plenty of good things about normalcy.

But Amandine has enviable features...

Maybe I wish I could be Amandine

and maybe I am, and wish that I wasn't...

Or maybe you are Amandine and that's why I despise you.

Because you are horrible

Because you are wonderful.

More so than I am.

This sunless day churns my stomach,

making me feel far more dramatic than I ought to.

With a little wind it could be enough to throw me down

into full Amandine mode.

My feet feel tired and that makes me nervous.

I can't make heads or tails of it.

I can't tell which is better,

to be Amandine,                               or to walk away from her forever.

I love this day

And I hate it.

Don't misunderstand me.

It's horrible of you to misunderstand me

and I wish more than anything that you wouldn't do it.

Perhaps for now, Amandine will remain in the wings,

waiting to see if I'll give her cue to enter,

to be me

to be her.

1 comment:

Rae said...

Even though I'm not even completely sure what Amandine is, this is probably the most brilliant post I've read on your blog.


P.S. Is Amandine your thing or is it a term I could google or something...? Haha