Saturday, July 16, 2011

league account

I desperately need to revisit Holden.

but he's not with me.


I've been feeling a yearning for the whole family, to be honest.

It made sense to feel connected, because they were me, and I them. I was angry, I was outraged, (and when  I say outraged, I mean I was pretty bummed). How could he keep it all from me? Why would he do it?

I find that in the moments before my eyes close at night, I think of him.


Of them.

And I just want to swallow it all whole. I just want to have it now, and know it all.

And somehow I know he wouldn't disappoint me.

I was never the one to know the back story for anyone famous.

But his was one I craved.

He was so sad.

A realist.

And in realism he found happiness.

That I cannot do.

But if I could just soak him... them.

Feel it on my skin

on my breath

in my eyes.

If I could feel that way again...

Funny how the moments when you've completely lost it are the times you feel you've got it.

1 comment:

kylee said...

so i was over at meg's blog reading about how she wants some new tunes and wallaaaaa there i found your amazing comment full of so much goodness. some i know and love, some i've never heard of before. thank you times ten for posting that because i'm definitely going to look up everything i don't know already.