I desperately need to revisit Holden.
but he's not with me.
I've been feeling a yearning for the whole family, to be honest.
It made sense to feel connected, because they were me, and I them. I was angry, I was outraged, (and when I say outraged, I mean I was pretty bummed). How could he keep it all from me? Why would he do it?
I find that in the moments before my eyes close at night, I think of him.
And I just want to swallow it all whole. I just want to have it now, and know it all.
And somehow I know he wouldn't disappoint me.
I was never the one to know the back story for anyone famous.
But his was one I craved.
He was so sad.
And in realism he found happiness.
That I cannot do.
But if I could just soak him... them.
Feel it on my skin
on my breath
in my eyes.
If I could feel that way again...
Funny how the moments when you've completely lost it are the times you feel you've got it.