Thursday, February 9, 2012

After all

Awakened from sleeping,
"And after all, you're my wonderwall"
floating in I hear the call.
My heart beats faster, pounding soundly against my ribs
I fumble through my bag, searching, and I see it
The light pulsates like a beating heart,
red.
I snatch it up and flip it open, receiver to my ear
Hello,                 I say
ruth?                  I hear him ask
Mmmhmm,        I mutter breathlessly
And I close my eyes, willing my breathing to slow
Holding my hand over my thudding heart in hopes to quiet it, hoping he can't hear it.

That little ditty, that chunk of song
"After all, you're my wonderwall",
my wonderwall. mine


I think it's probably not healthy, unhealthy
for you to be on my mind, in my thoughts, as much as you are
But everything reminds me of you, makes me think of you
And when I might go without thinking of you, someone speaks your name
It's everywhere, said aloud, whispered in my mind
I hear it.
And what is there to make you think of me?
nothing at all.

I'm a creep.
I'll probably end up one of those psycho stalker types
And one day I'll love you so much that I'll kill you in your sleep
just to watch you dream forever.
And I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that someone might actually think that way
or that I just thought of that myself, even in jest.
What can I say?
I'm a creep.

I watch for you, always.
For your car to drive by, for you to appear, walking in the dark.
I recognize your walk, the shape of your silhouette.
And when I don't see you, I open my window,  breathe deep and exhale your name in a whisper.
Maybe if you were crazy you could hear me, breathing.

What can I say?
I'm a creep.

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