Sunday, July 1, 2012

Right when I think

that I'm ok alone my heart starts to pound in a funny way.

I take the same route as I walk.
I walk to think,
to think of the things I avoid thinking of when there are others present.
I like to walk alone.
Alone as I walk I'm content.

Until I reach that corner.

When I reach that corner, my heart beats tighter
I can feel my arms flush with rushing blood
and I'm suddenly horribly aware that I'm alone.
I wish so badly that I weren't.
I roll secret words over my tongue.
I look behind me to make sure there's no one there,
no one watching me.

the stale heat starts to stick to my skin
I can feel my heartbeat in my neck and I get the urge to slap at it, like a bug.
But that would hurt,
so I don't.

As I walk my ears get hotter, uncomfortably so.
My fingers tingle and my eyes are dry.

and for about one hundred feet I'm utterly uncomfortable
for reasons I can't quite hear.

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