Saturday, May 4, 2013

May 3

Things that make me uncomfortable.

every now and then my arms get tired and I get a little crazy. My brain feels mushy. Something Like being high would feel like I suppose. It happens usually when I haven't eaten anything and then I eat something sugary. Or when I eat a lot of something with artificial coloring. Like Jolly Ranchers or Watermelon Arizonas. I love them, but too much or just enough will make my arms tired. It makes me uncomfortable, I hate feeling like that. My body suddenly feels too tired and limp to hold myself up properly. It almost feels like I don't breathe enough in those times, like I might be unknowingly denying my brain of oxygen. That's really dramatic and probably completely untrue but it's what it feels like. Everything gets funny and then very sad. I will laugh myself into hysterics. A hard laugh suddenly turns into breathless sobs and then I feel sad for the world and every bad thing that has ever happened to anyone. When I read about May in The Secret Life of Bees, her wailing wall, it reminded me of what I feel like when my arms get tired. And that's how I know it's coming, my arms get tired and my fingers feel so slow and restless.  I don't like it.

My extra ribs causes me discomfort. It touches a nerve in my back every now and then and gives me some grief. It was at it's worst when I was in high school. Standing for choir concerts, lugging my textbooks in my backpack, but these days it doesn't give me much trouble.

Puking is the worst, I burst veins in my eyes on occasion. I tend to regurgitate stomach acid on the first day of my period due to menstrual pain. So I puke about one day a month.

I know I went with a more literal interpretation of discomfort, but I'm the boss here. So whatever.

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