Monday, October 21, 2013

things I'd forgotten

until I looked through an old notebook...

we were friends, at his graduation party.
they were playing with a caterpillar. he and kassidy were sitting on a bench under the pavilion.
I stood smiling, watching them squirm around and the caterpillar crawled.
I looked over to find his eyes fixed on me and then looking away sheepishly as I met his gaze.


...


he looks at me when he's driving.
I can see him out of the corner of my eye, watching my face, but I stay looking forward.
I don't want to embarrass him, and to be honest I don't mind it.
In fact, I like it.
but sometimes it affects his driving.
we veer to the right a little sometimes
he keeps his eyes on me while he's driving.
but i'm not quite sure what he's looking at.

...


we sit on the couch in my living room and he watches my face.
for hours it seems, he could just look at me and not say anything.
in these times I can't help but wonder what he's thinking.
I wish I knew.
he watches me while I talk, while I pause.
he blinks.
slowly.
he says. nothing.
I think I love him.

...


when he looks at me, when he talks to me there's always this sweetness in his eyes.
there's a softness that undoes the slight sadness that's usually there, in the corner of his eyes.
It disappears the anxiousness in his face.
soft.
I know he loves me.
that's the look of love.
I know it now. 
but I think I knew it before, too.

3 comments:

Sara Anderson said...

oh ruthie ruthie. i miss your guts! and i just think you have the best voice ever. it is a proven fact. i nominated you for the sunshine award!

Jennie Grange said...

wow you know how to write! goodness love reading this! xo

Leah said...

Oh, I just stumbled upon your blog from your tumblr. This is so lovely.

-Leah