Monday, November 17, 2014

In the swing

As of Friday I'm back in the salon, and it's weird to think I was gone so long. While I hated being at home and alone and bored for a month and a half I think it was time that I needed. Or maybe I needed it less than other people who were really mad at me for really lame and mostly made up reasons, but all the same it's probably better that it happened. 
I feel renewed. It my own mind it kind of sounds stupid that learning to do, and doing hair makes me happy, but it's true, so whatever. 

That month and a half, though? It sucked. And to be honest it felt like a mild depression and it was caused by feeling a complete lack of control with the way my life was unfolding, and feeling useless. My future was uncertain and all I could do was hold on to hope. 
I won't lie. A lot of the time I was surly, and angry, or just straight up emotional (Kam and I watched Spider-Man 2 and when Gwen died I literally cried for the rest of the night. Even though I already knew that was going to happen.) I was restless and anxious and sad. It helped me to keep me busy, cleaning got old really fast, and watching Netflix started to frustrate me. Reading and crafting little things for myself became a big deal, it made me feel more in control. 
I also really like to take walks on my own, but it became a little bit tricky because I tend to suffer from scopophobia when alone in public, but once I got enough courage to go out, despite what my brain would tell me, it really helped.
I don't know how Kam put up with me, I would've thrown me out the window. Thankfully, Kameron is something of a veteran when it comes to dealing with depression and we've gotten to a really good place together in helping him deal with his depression, so when the tables were turned for the first time he came from a very understanding place and was extremely patient with me. 

It's been a humbling experience, to say the least. But it's also been a blessing that I pretty much hated at the time, but isn't that usually how it goes?

But now, I'm back and feeling really great .and it's just that muh easier to love my apprenticeship again.

Hallelujah.

1 comment:

Lys said...

GWEN DIES?
Jk, I've seen it.

But congrats on making it through and congrats on a fresh start at the salon and I swear you and Kam were made for each other. I mean, like, I know there's no doctrine to support soulmates, buuuuttt.......you guys would be my first piece of evidence if ever I were to defend the notion.

Happy for you, Ruth!