Tuesday, May 19, 2015

I'm trying not to wake the sleeping boy next to me

There are times when I think,

"I hate her...

but I want to be more like her..."

And maybe she feels the same way.
Maybe there are parts of me she wishes for.


Perhaps, the very things I admire in her are the things she'd choose to change.

But how true can that be when the whole reason I admire these parts of her is because they are so obviously good?
Everyone loves her for them, and she knows it.
She relishes it.

And maybe that's why I hate her.
Because she has desirable qualities and is unapologetic for them.
Unapologetic.

Or maybe I hate her because she hides behind them,
these qualities that make her beloved,
They hide the parts I've seen that are harsh, and hurtful, and ugly

Maybe I hate her because it's so easy for her to hide all that.


And maybe I hate her because she won't forgive me.

And that only hurts because I love her.


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