There are times when I think,
"I hate her...
but I want to be more like her..."
And maybe she feels the same way.
Maybe there are parts of me she wishes for.
Perhaps, the very things I admire in her are the things she'd choose to change.
But how true can that be when the whole reason I admire these parts of her is because they are so obviously good?
Everyone loves her for them, and she knows it.
She relishes it.
And maybe that's why I hate her.
Because she has desirable qualities and is unapologetic for them.
Or maybe I hate her because she hides behind them,
these qualities that make her beloved,
They hide the parts I've seen that are harsh, and hurtful, and ugly
Maybe I hate her because it's so easy for her to hide all that.
And maybe I hate her because she won't forgive me.
And that only hurts because I love her.